Rugby Players Proved Inferior Athletes

A Cohort study recently carried out ny students of the University of Otago has shown rugby players to be inferior athletes.

Over the Past three and a half years, students, have carried out a cohort study of "the dedication athletes involved in various sporting disciplines."

Four groups of athletes from different disciplines where obseved in a number of areas designed to assess overall dedication to their chosen sport. The four groups where International Rugby Union Players, NRL League players, Pro tour cyclists and Chinese weight lifters.

The results of the study enabled students to establish wieght lifters as the most dedicated athletes closely followed by cyclists. The union players narrowly beat their league counterparts for a distant third place.

The student in charge of the study who wishes to remain annoymous for his own safety (we will call him Albert) said that he was amazed by the lengths the Chinese wieght lifters went to to remain on top. Albert said they are willing to do anything to improve their performance.

"They literally work themselves to a death like state of exhaustion and them go home and pump themselves full of 'supplements'! Do you have any idea what testosterone can do to the size of your package? any man who is willing to risk that for his sport is clearly passionate about his sport!" -Albert

Albert said that while there where also a number of protour cyclists that had recently been exposed for taking performance enhancing drugs, the levels where not as epidemic as in the chinese wieght lifting squad.

A key area where rugby players of both discipline lost a large amount of dedication points was in pub appearance. Students monitored a number of dunedin pubs where there where numourous sightings of the top athletes from both forms of rugby. these included Stephen Brett "axeing a jug in a boat race" and many complaints of unamed players "inappropriatly hitting on peoples flat mates and freinds." There where no such sightings of either Pro tour cyclists or Chinese wieghtlifters. A sperate study named "Freshers, ethanol and impaired sporting performance" has conclusively shown a link between bars and alcohol, as well as alcohol and impaired coordination, cognitive abilities, general fitness as well as an increased injury rate. Given this negative correlation between alcohol and sport Albert was able to establish that time spent in the pub showed a lack of dedication. Therefore rugby players where far less dedicated than either pro tour cyclists or chinese wieght lifters.

The third area of the study was based on negative press for extra curricular activities. Cyclists, league and union players all fell down in this area with athletes accused of assaults, taking recreational drugs and general disorderly behaviour. No evidence of chinese wieght lifters misbehaving could be found which once again shows their complete dedication. However Albert did admit this result may be slightly biased as no one was capable of reading chinese newspapers and in any case chinese press is heavily censored anyway.

Albert said that if one thing should be taken out of this study it should be that the study was complete rubbish, carried out in the most unscientific conditions relly on heresay and observers who where often intoxicated. He also said that New Zealand needs to get over their loss of Robbie Deans to Australia,

"In my opinion we need to bring back Mehrtens and Deans would never have done that. Also if the All Blacks got out of the pub and onto the feild they might start playing like true world champions. They should take a leaf out of proffesional cyclists and chinese wieght lifters books who sacrifice years of their life for their sport."

-Disclaimer the opionions in this acticle are not those of the Unofficial Otago Cycling blog or any of it's contributors, they are merely those of fictional characters. -Ed